my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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