He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
