cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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