yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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