There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
