She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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