we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
