yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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