a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
