in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
