I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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