The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
