anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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