i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think people are normalizing furries
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
