I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
