??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
