I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
