Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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