I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
