literally had 100 drinks last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
