I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
