Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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