I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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