Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
