i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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