I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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