Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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