So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
