Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
