It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My liver just had a heart attack.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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