I looked at my own cervix.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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