please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
