Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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