she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
