I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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