I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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