just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
