Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you traded sex for a burrito?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ok first of all what the fuck
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
