i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
