Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sarcasm needs its own font
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
