I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I supernannyed him into submission
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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