I heard we made out
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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