Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
