Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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