as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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