There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
