My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
