The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
