You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
