I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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