Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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