Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
