Don't you send me to vm
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
