my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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