every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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