The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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