My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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