I am midnight drunk by noon
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
