your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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