If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
