Cold hands, warm shart.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
