I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
