she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize