When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
