I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
