Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
