I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize