They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
