I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
