Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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