My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just gargled with NyQuil
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
