Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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