Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I am morally bankrupt
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
